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  About Kuwait
 
The Kuwaiti way of life
 

The Family and Life Within It

The family unit is the most important thing in Kuwaiti society. Arab names themselves contain a sort of genealogy: Ibrahim Al-Ahmad Al-Mansour Al-Rashid, for example, is Ibrahim, the son of Ahmad, the son of Mansour, the son of Rashid. After the birth of a child, the parents are often referred to by derivatives of the child’s name: Abu Khalid is the “father of Khalid”, and Umm-Bader is the “mother of Bader”.
 

 

The Kuwaiti family is generally very closed and private. It consists of a closely-knit extended family circle, some of whose members may be only distantly related. It is not unheard of for cousins to marry, and in fact it used to be the norm. Thus the family is a cohesive institution with individuals helping out with the different tasks within, supporting each other, rallying around in times of difficulty, and often pooling resources for business ventures or to overcome hardship.

Kuwaitis love children. The traditional average family size is around ten. Males carry more prestige than females. Members of the older generation are accorded much respect and appreciated for their wisdom, for they represent an era lost to the present generation.

Mother Wears the Pants

It may seem to be a man’s world outside, but mother rules the roost and cracks the whip at home. This is her domain and traditional role, just as it is for the man to do his duty by providing adequate means. It must be said, however, that the addition of maids from the third world has been a great boon to many mothers, but has also created social/psychological side effects in its wake. The mother nurtures and weans her children as much as is possible according to the numbers involved. Males again are given pride of place, and the male/mother bond is very strong and central, much as it is in some Mediterranean countries.

Despite the relatively new-found freedom of education bestowed upon the young Kuwaiti woman, her brother/ husband/father still sees her as being pivotal in rearing and bringing babies into the world. But the mother is also more than this, for she is captain of the family in terms of the management of the home. She is, moreover, the judge and sometimes jury when it comes to social problems and their outcomes.

Who says women have an inferior position in Arab society?
 

Marriage and Other Social Traditions

Kuwaitis adhere strictly to the teachings of Islam, which lays down certain rules regarding marriage and its related customs. In the case of marriage, the bride and bridegroom will have been approved of, though not necessarily chosen, by both sets of parents.
 

 
Marriage into the right family is still the norm here. Form is a key feature in the Arab world. Improving one’s family lot counts in marriage. The bridegroom must make a “down payment” to the bride’s father, and the more distinguished the family, the higher the dowry. It is customary for the “delayed payment” part of the dowry to be much larger than the “down payment”, because it is intended for the bride’s future security in the event of divorce or the husband’s death.

Marriage into the right family is still the norm here. Form is a key feature in the Arab world. Improving one’s family lot counts in marriage. The bridegroom must make a “down payment” to the bride’s father, and the more distinguished the family, the higher the dowry. It is customary for the “delayed payment” part of the dowry to be much larger than the “down payment”, because it is intended for the bride’s future security in the event of divorce or the husband’s death.

After the happy couple has unofficially agreed to tie the knot, they must first be engaged in an Islamic court under Islamic law. Both names are registered, usually by two males or by two females and a male. (The formula is that two females equal one male.) Now they are legally entitled to date and see each other on a limited basis. In some ultra-traditional arrangements, such as between old-fashioned bedouin families, the bridegroom may never see the face of his wife-to-be until after they are married.

The marriage itself in legal terms is testified to and legalized in the same fashion. Following this comes the traditional wedding feast, which is a sumptuous affair. Again, according to tradition, the male members and female members often conduct their celebrations completely separately, and rarely do the two fraternize.

Hence the women will in many cases be in the same room or tent, where they will dance, eat, and chant at the tops of their voices. They will be unveiled and try to impress and outflatter each other. The bride will be decked out in her finest. She may also have had her feet and hands temporarily tattooed with a red dye called henna.

The bride, it should be pointed out, will have had no contact at all with any other man. The greatest shame and therefore loss of face is brought upon a family if a woman is said to be involved in illicit acts.

The men, for their part, will also be together in similar surroundings. In the more traditional weddings, the celebrants will slaughter a sheep (or several sheep and camels). Under some arrangements the bridegroom may enter the room or tent where his wife is. Should this occur, he sits beside her for a while, and then the happy couple leave to start their married life in peace.

Muslim men may take up to four wives, though this is not common these days. Should a Muslim man choose a Christian woman, the children follow the man’s creed and not the woman’s. Divorce is less common than in most Western societies, and is regarded as “the most unpleasant of the things that are permitted”. In the event of divorce, social custom and the law require that the man support the woman for the rest of her life, as well as their children until they grow up.

Diwaniyahs

As a foreigner, in most cases, you will be invariably barred from any contact with the families of your Kuwaiti acquaintances. You will seldom see the inside of his home or be invited there. Any meals and social life will be dealt with in restaurants, hotels, or the more traditional diwaniyahs.

These descendants of nomads’ usually set up tents for entertaining guests which are essentially male domains, usually located in front of a home in some shaded area. The gatherings take place in the evenings because of the daytime heat. A diwaniyah contains wooden benches with colorful cushions upon which participants may lounge. The benches are generally placed together end-to-end to form a square of some sort.
 

 

Men come and go as is the custom. Much business is conducted in diwaniyahs, as is political discussion, but many come simply to get away from it all. Some may watch TV; others may smoke, gossip, consume nuts and other small delicacies, or just pass the time. All activities are lubricated with hot, sweet tea. Smoking is often in the form of a water pipe (hubbly bubbly).

There are coffee houses and restaurants which include diwaniyah sections for males. These are more commercial enterprises where families may congregate. It is at these places that a visitor may catch his only glimpse of a Kuwaiti family.

The Infernal combustion Engine

Appliances, gadgetry, and electronic wizardry are fascinating to Kuwaitis. The motor car in particular is a status symbol, a hobby, and unfortunately, sometimes a source of unnecessary tragedy. Driving is a big social activity, especially among young people, and they undertake it very adventurously, to say the least.

The authorities have clamped down on those who do not wear seat belts, and traffic education programs are becoming more common. Some drivers are considerate and well-versed, but those who are not require that you be at least positive and almost aggressive in your approach to driving. Above all, do not assume that any other driver will act in any particular way, especially on roundabouts and expressway entrances and exits. Stay alert.

Kuwaiti Youth

The youth of today and the youth of yesteryear bear some resemblance to each other in being bound by Arab and Islamic culture. One must draw the line there, however, and consider the impact of being hurtled from a nomadic existence into the 20th Century with little time either to evolve properly or to digest culturally.
 

 
Kuwaiti youths, with their trappings of relative wealth, are in some ways the polar opposite of the youth of just a generation ago. Money has brought everything and more. They can spend their time exploring the wonders of instant modern technology.

The women, despite their more traditional status, have been accorded more freedom than their mothers. They are now more free to pursue outside interests, including careers, business, and shopping for the latest consumer goods from all over the world. They are also free to drive, though they do not do it with quite the same unfettered gusto as their brothers.

Clubs and societies have been formed which sponsor sporting, artistic, or scientific activities. They remain of some interest to the present-day youth, but all the time one feels an undercurrent of restlessness despite everything. It would be interesting to look in on Kuwaiti society in 100 years’ time. What will it be like? What will have changed? Who knows? As the Kuwaitis will tell you, it’s all in the hands of God.

Professional and Social Intercourse

When you deal with Kuwaitis in whatever capacity, bear in mind you are dealing with a nation with a strong trading tradition. Kuwaitis are past masters at haggling and negotiating. Even if you’re not supposed to haggle over something, they will! They have been doing it since before they could walk, and it’s in their blood. They’ll be tough and shrewd, but fair, in their dealings with you.

Furthermore, your social and professional success will be enhanced significantly by observing certain points of etiquette and knowing some salient cultural traits. Being well-attired and well-groomed, for example, makes a difference wherever you are; in Kuwait it is especially relevant. That all-important word “form” is very much in evidence. Losing form is an anathema; boosting form is most laudable.

Personal contact as opposed to indirect communication is still highly recommended. Even if you are not scheduled to meet a Kuwaiti, you will find that making the effort, whether necessary or not, and dropping in on your Kuwaiti counterpart in order to straighten something out will be better received than using the more conventional forms of communication.

Even if you have no problems that require his views, just “popping in” for the sake of doing so is part of the culture. You will find people paying casual visits during your scheduled meetings. You may find this annoying and feel that nothing much has been achieved. It may be true, but things take time here, and time is not of the essence. As one recent advertisement put it “It’s a completely different lifestyle.”

Personal contact as opposed to indirect communication is still highly recommended. Even if you are not scheduled to meet a Kuwaiti, you will find that making the effort, whether necessary or not, and dropping in on your Kuwaiti counterpart in order to straighten something out will be better received than using the more conventional forms of communication.

Even if you have no problems that require his views, just “popping in” for the sake of doing so is part of the culture. You will find people paying casual visits during your scheduled meetings. You may find this annoying and feel that nothing much has been achieved. It may be true, but things take time here, and time is not of the essence. As one recent advertisement put it “It’s a completely different lifestyle.”

Similarly, getting to the point is not achieved within minutes of walking into an office for a meeting or to arrange something. For one thing, the man you need to see may not be there. Surprised? It happens. You might have been told he would be there simply because it was what your informant thought you wanted to hear. Do you feel like getting down to business straightaway and skipping the tea, thank you very much? You shouldn’t. Have the tea and relax. Isn’t there more to life than deadlines, contracts, and bureaucratic forms? There certainly is here.

Getting to the point and getting things done is rather like traditional Arab storytelling. They take their jolly old time and there are countless detours. Only after initial small talk and interruptions can you get down to business. Arabic conversations first deal with one’s health, well-being, family, and countless pleasantries.
 

A Sense of Humor

Arabs, especially Kuwaitis, laugh a lot and are a warm-hearted people. Smiling, hand shaking (males only), and kissing (members of the same sex only), are all common. They wear a happy countenance despite all odds, and have a wonderful sense of humor. They approve of people who are similar to them in this respect.
 

 
They even put on a happy face in order not to disappoint you when conditions are adverse. You may think they are being economical with the truth under certain conditions. To you a spade is a spade. “Let’s have the facts,” you say. Not to them. It’s more important that everything be given a positive aspect, and though it is sometimes difficult for a foreigner to follow the thread, there is no deceit involved. It is simply their a more considerate and different way of looking at an unfavorable situation. They will go out of their way to avoid disappointing you. Everybody and everything must be seen in a good light. Whatever the situation, smile!

Bearing Gifts

Kuwaitis are true to their nature in that they are a generous, hospitable people. They are always giving and receiving gifts as tokens of respect, honor and appreciation. As a measure of your worth in the eyes of the person you are dealing with, a little something from your own country hits the spot in a most gratifying way.

Wasta

You need to know this word in the Arab World. It means using influence to achieve aims that are difficult to achieve by other means. It is a good way to cut through endless red tape in order to go through a necessary bureaucratic formality. It is important to know the right person in the right place.

Keeping Cool

Keeping cool” is not only relevant to the air-conditioning systems that control the temperature just about everywhere. It also goes back to that all-important aspect of the Kuwaiti psyche: maintaining form. Remaining patient, regulating one’s disposition, and hence keeping one’s form intact is compulsory. While in other societies letting off steam is mildly accepted, it is not really tolerated here. Quite the opposite must be indulged.
 

 

Yes, it is doubly difficult given the nature of the game out here. That all-encompassing invocation “Insh’allah” (If God wills), for example, seems to be pivotal in all future actions, but it is sometimes hard to interpret. It can be a positive sign. But it can also mean “Maybe,” “Not yet,” “I hope so,” or “Who knows?”

Such things can be frustrating, but remaining calm and not turning a drama into a crisis is the master ploy here. Time, the future, the Spanish mańana, are all very much flexible in the minds of Arabs in general. Who said red tape and time schedules were adhered to 100 per cent in other countries?

Maintaining that relaxed disposition is crucial, but what is more important is that you do not lose face in any event. Worse still is if you, either by direct or indirect action, portray your counterpart in a negative light. Everything is done most discreetly and in a savory fashion. Even a person’s imminent dismissal is conveyed in a most roundabout and unusual way! Taste and form are so important.

An apt Arabic saying sums up the entire mood of this nation: “Patience is the key to relief.”

Tip on Social Rules

There are a few social rules that any visitor to an Arab country should be aware of. While you’ll have to get used to shaking hands at the drop of a hat, and seeing men loudly kissing each other, there are certain things that are simply not done except by unwitting foreigners. The Kuwaitis are cosmopolitan and sophisticated enough that these things are often not strictly taboo, but it’s always best to observe the traditions of the country you are visiting. Violating these simple guidelines might be regarded as boorish.

First and foremost, you should never pass in front of anyone while he is praying. Feet are a sensitive issue. You should never allow the bottoms of your feet to point towards anyone, lest it appear that you are putting him in a lower position than you. (This can be trickier than it sounds when you are sitting on the floor cross-legged in a room full of men.) Entering a mosque with shoes on is forbidden. It’s not polite to enter someone’s home with shoes on either, unless it is his personal custom to do so.

In traditional Arabia, only the right hand was used for eating and interaction; the left was reserved for bathroom hygiene. You can gain favor if you take care never to touch anyone or hand them anything with your left hand.

At the same time, you can gain points by adopting some local customs. Chief among these is using a few Arabic phrases. Instead of “Hello”, try “Salaam aleikum” (“Peace be on you”) and “Waleikum salaam” (“And on you, peace”). Say “Ma’a assalama” (“Go in peace”) instead of “Good-bye”. If someone asks you how you are, tell him “Al hamdulillah!” (“Praise the Lord!”).

Try to pick up whatever catchwords you can. Kuwaitis truly appreciate a visitor’s attempt, no matter how inept, to use Arabic. It is after all, the language of God.
 

(Source:1 Website Creative Pte Ltd.)
 
 
 
 
  
  
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